Personal happiness is not about whether life deals you a good hand. How you respond to situations has a lot to do with whether or not you are happy.

The breakdown of a marriage is one of the most traumatic things that can happen in your life. Divorce can cause profound feelings of loss, failure, regret, abandonment, emptiness, fear of the future, and powerlessness, especially if you didn't initiate the split.

There's no quick fix to your anger and grief, but there is a journey toward a more satisfying and fulfilling life that you can start right now. The transition from despair to satisfaction starts with your determination not to be a victim of your circumstances; happiness doesn't depend so much on what happens to you, but on how you deal with what happens to you. Change your way of thinking: decide that you're not going to let divorce take control of your life and you'll be taking the first step towards recovery. If you are determined to wallow in defeat and sorrow, then the divorce has already won. Feel the pain, then let it go

Allow yourself to grieve. You need to recognize that divorce is a loss. In the case of a death, society has rituals to encourage people to grieve; we have no such rituals with divorce, but it is a huge part of the healing process. Denying that you're in pain just won't work. It will come out in other ways. Covering up your pain never has a positive conclusion; unresolved grief makes you make bad decisions. It can effect every other aspect of your life.

You have to allow the hurt to run its course. The more you allow yourself to feel the pain, the more it comes and the faster it goes.

Divorce-recovery is a process, and it takes time. How long you will take to heal depends on many factors, including the length of your marriage, whether you were abused, and the support you receive from family and friends. Don't suppress your feelings or act as if it never happened, but give the process respect. If you bypass the process, it sets you up for a fall. Use this time to release anger, sadness, blame, and guilt, but beware of getting stuck in this stage.

It also prevents you from moving forward.

When you're depressed and angry, you really don't feel you have anything to give. Often you can't see why you should give at all, since you're the one who has been robbed and mistreated. Doing anything at all is hard when you're in the dumps. But once you let go of thoughts that depress and anger you, and prepare to start giving of yourself again, the energy inside you rises to meet the challenge.

After the grieving stage reaches its peak, you can calm down and start to think more clearly. This is a time to start think of ways to improve your life. If you change your way of thinking to consciously look for the positive effects in any negative event, you may experience a radical change in your emotions and your outlook on life.

This is admittedly not an easy thing to do, especially during periods when life seems to be throwing you disappointments and crises without mercy.

Sometimes, the most beneficial thing to come out of bad times is what you've learned from them and you need to acknowledge that to yourself. You need to look at the situation and say, "What's the lesson here? What have I learned from this experience?" The benefits of doing this include a sense of empowerment. There is no greater feeling than empowerment.

Now that you've grieved, let go of your hurt, and looked for positive aspects of your situation, it's time to start exploring your options as to where life can take you next -- or, rather, where you will take it. You need to start creating dreams. Find things that you love to do.

Think about your future, then take action. If you're dissatisfied with your job or your financial situation, take the initiative to update your resume and look for something more fulfilling, or at least to work toward promotion to a higher position or ask for a raise. You might even switch career paths completely and start over. You may have always dreamed about starting your own business, its your time to choose your next step in life. You have to balance these options with the need to put food on the table and maintain a roof over your head.

Use the power of choice to bring yourself new meaning to your life. Its time to stop seeing yourself as a victim and take control of your life.