Raising Self Esteem

Everyone who suffers from low self esteem who has read articles and self help advice realizes that implementing the steps to create greater self esteem is not always as easy as it sounds. You can talk positively to your “inner self” all day, but is it working. How do you talk to your “inner self” anyway?

Raising your self esteem isn’t easy, but can be very rewarding. It takes time. Try these techniques to reach deep down inside yourself and bring out the best in you.

1.) Reach deep down inside yourself. Telling yourself several times a day that you are worthy may not be enough. Look deep down to you innermost feelings. What do you see, who are you? What interests you and you alone? Do you have and hobbies that you pursue or would like to pursue? Do you have any goals? Your goals can be as small as wanting to take a daily walk or learning to knit, or as big as getting a degree. How many of these goals have you accomplished? Are you introverted or extroverted?

Write down some of your goals. Make a list starting with the most achievable to the most difficult. Note whether you are currently working on any of them or not. If you are, write down a personal praise, if not write down why. If you have accomplished any one of your goals, no matter how small, you are an achiever. Yes, you have accomplished what you wet out to do.

When working on our goals, its ok to not jump right into them. If you have always wanted a degree in business, don’t tell your self from the start “I don’t have the money or the time”. Start a savings, take one class at a time. It takes some people years to accomplish such goals, not because they are losers, but because they are going about it realistically.

Having and achieving goals will not only make you more interesting to yourself but it is a way to reach other people. Always remember, the goals you set, must serve your own interest. If your parents always wanted you to go to business school but you have no interest it defeats the purpose.

You don’t have to be an over achiever. Find balance in your life. A few goals is enough. Find what you enjoy and what you have time for, and never compare your accomplishments to those of others.

If you are having difficulty achieving any of your goals, you are not a loser and you are not stupid. Accept the challenge and keep trying. There is no one on this earth who can do everything. You are no less of a person because it takes you several attempts to accomplish something.

2.) Don’t rely on other people to make you happy. It may sound cliché, but happiness really does come from within. In order to be happy with another person, you have to be happy with yourself. That is not to say that if you are feeling down you can’t reach out to a friend for support, after all that’s what friends are for. The point I am trying to make is don’t let all of your happiness come from others. Don’t sit around and wait form someone to invite you to do something, if the mood strikes you; do it. Or be the one to do the inviting.

Don’t ever think that you can’t be happy being single. If you are in a relationship that is draining your self esteem or have a spouse that controls you, never think that you don’t have other options. There is nothing wrong with asserting yourself. There is nothing wring with being single. You do not have to please anyone’s every need to make them love you. With love there comes compromise and respect. A healthy relationship, with friends or a significant other should allow you to grow and be yourself.

3.) Don’t take rejection personally. People get rejected everyday for millions of different reasons. If everyone took every rejection personally, nothing would ever get accomplished in this world.

If you invite somebody to do something with you and they are not interested, it is as simple as that. It is not a reflection of you. This goes back to “Don’t rely on other people to make you happy”. Don’t be discouraged, there is no need to get angry or upset. Stay positive and keep striving.

4.) The most important rule of thumb is to be yourself. If you are introverted, don’t think you need to learn to be more outgoing to be loved. Learn who you are and go with the flow.

A couple of other things to keep in mind on your journey:

Don’t try to be like anybody else. You may have met or seen somebody charming and incredible. They are not you and you are not them. You are a unique individual with your own personality and set of rules.
Don’t always try to please others. It won’t make anyone like you anymore if you constantly aim to please others before yourself. Learn to respectfully say “no”.
Learn to take interest in others and they will take interest in you.

Following the steps above can help you on the road to a happier life. Start by believing in yourself. Practice these steps everyday. Take small steps and don’t be afraid of failure.

This article is not meant to take the place of professional counseling or therapy. It is meant as a guideline, and is for educational purposes only.

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